At debrief in Guatemala, a week where we look back on the past season and get prepared to enter the next, we were having worship one afternoon. At that time, I was struggling a lot with my mind. It was full of doubt and thoughts that just weren’t true. About myself, about others, about the Lord — it was just a hard couple days. My friend Syd came up to me during worship that day and just sat next to me to tell me something she felt the Lord wanted her to say.

She said “I’m not sure whats going on or how you’re feeling, but I think the Lord wants you to know that the mess is okay".

She went on to tell me about an analogy that someone told her a while ago. “When a Father is teaching His son or daughter how to walk, He doesn’t get upset or angry when they fall. He picks them up for them to try again. But holds their hand through it all. Because they can’t do it on their own”. What Syd said that day truly changed the way I viewed my relationship with the Lord. And so did what another friend said that day.

My friend sadie came up to me and said that as she looked at me from across the courtyard, my face was radiant. Light was shining on me. The Lord saw me pursuing Him, and wanted me to keep doing just that. So even when it was hard and when it was messy, I was learning how to walk with Him. I pursued Him as my Father and as my friend, and He met me in the mess. 

Being in South Africa, lots of things have been happening. Both here and at home, and I've been feeling it all. But because I know that mess is okay, because I get to sit in it with my Father, it's still good. This learning process of walking with the Father is what makes the mess good. 

My birthday was this past week and my friends Bree & Will got me a book called "Don't give the enemy a seat at your table" by Louie Giglio. The day after my birthday, I was sitting outside looking at a photo I took on the camping trip we went on last weekend.

I couldn't stop thinking about it, and just felt like it would be a photo that represented this season really well. The seat and the light shining in; it just stayed on my mind. I felt like I needed to start the book, so I went upstairs and started reading. The first thing it talked about was Psalm 23. The whole book was about verse 5 that says "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies". When I wrote my blog about Psalm 23 a couple months ago, the first 3 verses were what changed me the most. They are still verses that I think about almost daily. They made me see the Lord for who He truly is. And 6 months later, Psalm 23 is still growing me. But in a different way this past week. 

I just finished the book last night, and it was so good. Please go read it. Seriously.

But as I was reading it, the sentence "Take a seat in the mess" was something that kept coming up in my mind. And then I read this passage: 

“The table is in the presence of the enemies because God wants you to know that you’ll always have enough for every moment, every struggle. He’ll sustain you in every dark night. And God wants the enemies to watch you shine. Why? Because in time they will stop gawking at you and turn their attention to the One who has the ability to keep your face beaming.“

Radiant. The mess. Take a seat. Invitation. 

All things that the Lord has brought up since that one day in Guatemala. It all hit me when I read that passage. 

He taught me in the mess there. He reminded me in the mess here.  

We had worship on Wednesday and I just pictured sitting at the table across from the Father. From the King. From my friend. I saw it the whole night, and decided to draw it. It ended up looking almost exactly like a drawing I drew after Syd and Sadie came up to me that one day in Guatemala.

This was the drawing from Guatemala. I was crowned in this drawing, because thats how the Lord sees me. He needed to teach me that in that season because He was renewing my identity and the way I saw myself. 

This is the drawing from Wednesday. He was crowned in this drawing because thats how I see the Lord. He's teaching me that He deserves my eyes and full attention, because if I take my eyes off of Him, my eyes are on the mess thats surrounding the table. But when I fix my eyes on Him, the mess is still there, but He comforts me and protects me.

Wherever I am, whoever I'm with, whatever I'm going through, I get to close my eyes, breathe, and sit down at the table He has prepared for me. I get to see Him sitting across the table. I get to see His goodness and faithfulness in His radiant face. Seeing Him lets me see the good around me. Because even through so many hard things have happened this past month, so much good has happened too. So much. And I could've missed it or miscounted it if I had my mind focused on the mess instead of sitting with the Lord in it. 

The Lord prepares a table for you & me in the mess. And invites us to take a seat in the mess. Because when we're in the mess, but we're with Him, its actually really good. It can hurt and be filled with a lot of tears, but He's a Father that invites us in to sit in it with Him. He's a friend that wants to hear whats going on and just listen. He's a Shepherd that protects and guides us. Through the green pastures quiet waters, but through the mess too. And I just get to sit with Him and get to know Him and reflect His radiance.

The Lord prepares a table for you & me. He’s inviting you to sit with Him. Take a seat in the mess. 

Love always,

Ava :)